Hi there little blastocyst, I'm your momma. You came into our lives almost 3 years ago through miracles of science and technology. At the time, I didn't really know what you were besides a set of predefined cells, complex in nature.
But you see, three years ago, we brought your brother to my womb and ten months after that he joined the earth in a fury. And I realize now that those complex set of cells were so much more than just an odd oval shape of something past my understanding. They were the potential of the start of something so amazing and surreal.
And so over the past few weeks as I've been taking my shots and my hormones, I've been thinking more and more about you. It's dangerous to do so of course, and I'm sure the nay sayers would discourage humanizing you at this early stage in the game, but the fact is - you are our little blastocyst, whether or not you survive in my womb, you are ours. You are a creation of us. You are Jonah's sibling, you are made from the cells in my very body. You are me. And I love you. And I cannot pretend that I do not.
Today I pulled my car over to the beach and sat and thought of you. The fact that you are really a 3 year old right now! The fact that you have had quite the journey so far in life. You flew to Nevada and stayed in cool temperatures waiting until it was time for us to beckon you. You waited patiently. You made the plane ride without a scratch. You will return back to me in about 20 days. Grasping my mind around all of this is so incredibly difficult and amazing at the same time.
I think what I'm trying to say little blastocyst, is that I feel close to you lately. I feel a connection, an energy ignited, a spirit, a change in the distance. And I'm ready. I'm ready for what I'm not ready for.
And with this letter, I must say my little blastocyst, that should you not survive this process, should you not survive the thaw, should you not survive to live ten months in my womb like your brother, that I thank you for giving us hope and experience in this journey. I thank you for letting Jonah "go first" and I thank you for the three years you waited to come back home.
Should you not join our family little blastocyst, I promise you I will acknowledge, recognize, and honor the menstrual blood that separates you from me weeks later. I will take pause and appreciate the precious things around me, the amazingness which is every single second of life that we often forget.
Thank you for this gift little blastocyst, no matter the outcome. No matter the outcome.
We love you and we will see you soon.
Love,
Your Momma
