T - 5.5 days (Transfer Date Confirmed!!)

Wow. Less than a week.

I went into my ultrasound and blood work appointment today. As I was walking into the hospital, I saw the doctor who was about to give me the u/s crossing the parking lot. How odd I thought, this man crossing the parking lot is about to have a wand in my vag in less than 10 minutes. Yes, these thoughts do permeate my head, and yes you do get the pleasure of reading them. :-)

My estrogen came back as 967!!! From 285??? Holla!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. O said my uterine lining already passed the thickness they require (8-12 MM) and I'm at 13.5. He said it's time to pull the trigger and get this embryo home.

The nurse called and confirmed my embryo transfer is on...........

Wednesday September 29, 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so it is. My next steps are as follows:

• Stop the fucking Lupron. (Ok, so she didn't say that verbatim but you get it.)
• Continue putting 4 patches of estrogen on my stomach every 48 hours
• Begin taking Medrol
• Continue vaginal pills of Estrace
• START THE HORRIBLE ASS INTRAMUSCULAR SHOTS IN MY ASS

I dread these injections in my butt and to think of a toddler running around whilst Mark trying to give me one makes me sick to my stomach. I think we may put him in the empty bathtub with some toys and run out and do the injection. The one time Mark 'wiggled' the needle while it was inside my muscle I almost fell out of the bed writhing in pain. I felt impaled. I was sure he took a sword to my ass. He did not. He 'wiggled'.

• Transfer booked
• Nanny booked
• Acupuncture before and after the transfer booked

It's close. I can feel it.

T- 10 days

It's always so validating when the doctor sticks in the vaginal ultrasound wand and goes "Great, great!" with a big smile on her face. Ding! Where before I would ponder over every shadow and stripe, I saw what looked to me like a sparkling shiny uterus and I was happy, ready to go now!

She said my uterine lining looked "wonderful!"

Just got the call from the clinic staff, my estrogen went from 155 to 285!!! Nicely done uterus. Like open arms you have, welcoming our little one into your cozy great room.

My next steps instructions:

-Begin vaginal pill of additional estrogen tonight (Estrace)

-Continue Lupron injections

-Add 4 estrogen patches

-LAST Appointment (OMFG!!) - 9/23

CD2 - Baseline Ultrasound done

Nicely done uterus!

My uterus scored all A's today. No cysts, Weird Things or anything else blocking me from conceiving our next little one.

I've been given the green light to proceed with our cycle! WOOHOO BITCHES!

That being said, I start the birth control today and it is likely our transfer will be the end of September. I'm excited! Much to report:

-I had my list of questions and the nurse had some information to give and some to ask the doctor for later. She said in her several years working there, she's only seen one time that an embryo didn't survive the thawing. She said the clinic is incredibly picky about freezing embryos, and if they don't think the embryo is strong enough to thaw, they don't keep it. So the quality of our little embryo (I'll name it if it takes up home in my womb) is supposedly very high, which is always nice to hear.

Though, because I'm type A, I asked for the embryologist to pull up my records and call me so we could chat embryo grading. While in the long run, it doesn't really matter because the universe will choose whether or not that little one survives, I am curious into the embryo grading as compared to Jonah's embryo. More intrigued than worried. Funny!

I told her I get "batshitcrazy" on birth control pills and she said she would look into a shortened schedule, maybe by like 3 or 5 days which would be great. Right now they have me at 18 days, which is 4 more days than last time, so I know it's not a must have. We'll see if she gets me a shorter protocol today.

She confirmed our embryo arrived safely and was currently 'chilling' out in their lab. It's so funny to think that our potential child is sitting in another room so close to me. That could be a baby we hold in 10 months! WEIRD. (I also had a dream last night that Jonah had a little BROTHER!)

Once I have my new schedule, I'll update it below. So now it's just the waiting game, the roller coaster of emotions, the physical sensations of the insanity that is chemical imbalances of hormones. Ah, conception! I will foil you again!

With all my meds I also got my Big Ass Needles. They go straight into my butt with Mark holding the other end. These puppies are a force to be reckoned with.

Here's an example:

Son of a......

:-)

More updates once the chemicals have seeped in. I'll create another 'side effects' list on the side.

And so it begins....

Another reminder of Jonah as an embryo in the blastocyst stage:

Thumbs up!

The IVF clinic called to say that all was A-OK and I am good to proceed with our IVF cycle in August.

Woohoo!

A lot of Updates

Man, have there been some updates. Let's hope I can update this thing in between Jonah pouring coffee grounds into a bowl and the dogs waiting to lap up what they think is food falling from the counter. Ok, here goes.....

For awhile there I was really waffling on whether or not I would proceed with the IVF cycle in a couple of weeks, mostly my own fears of how pregnancy will affect me and my relationship with Jonah. Somewhere I got enough balls to proceed so I knew it was time to get the show on the road.

After moving back into our house, I felt a bit more settled. I called the pharmacy that orders my IVF meds and got all the medications ordered. It only came to around $1000 which is amazing compared to the $5k of a full IVF cycle. She read off all of the meds and while before I got overwhelmed and nervous, I started feeling excited again. Excited to think about telling Jonah about the baby in my belly, excited to think about embarking on an unknown journey and what that may mean for our whole family.

I had them ship the meds to arrive on my birthday which is a little over a week. What a great birthday present I think. :-)

Then I contacted the Embryo storage place and had the papers sent to me to transfer our embryo back to the clinic. We have to go get these forms notarized and then ship off and then our little guy/girl will take a flight on over to Washington from Nevada. (Isn't that some crazy shit??? Our little embryo will be taking it's SECOND plane ride before it ever finds a host uterus!) He/she will arrive in Seattle before August 1.

THEN it's show time, right?!

Well. What I thought would happen, happened. The clinic called me to say that my prolactin levels were elevated and was I breastfeeding Jonah? You're damn right I'm breastfeeding Jonah.

"Do you have plans to wean in the next couple of weeks?" Sigh. I knew this would happen, but I'd done the appropriate research ahead of time to be able to have this conversation and I felt confident.

I delved in and explained that I was well researched on the topic, that I'd been monitoring my prolactin levels for 7 months now and I could send her the data saying that indeed my levels were not elevated. I explained that elevated prolactin levels could be due to my thyroid meds, my SSRIs and the fact that the test was not taken in the morning which is most accurate.

They don't know if they will proceed with the cycle given I am breastfeeding. So I pulled out the Dick Card. I couldn't help it. I really didn't want to switch clinics, and start all over. So the Dick Card goes like this:

"Well, before we get off the phone - I'd like to set your expectations that I have a doctor at the {insert competing fertility clinic here} who is happy to do a cycle while I'm breastfeedig so it really comes down to who wants to take us on. Can you pass that information along to the doctor too? Mk, thanks."

So, why don't they want to do a FET while nursing? Well, they don't want anything to screw up a potential pregnancy and there's a lot of myths and misunderstandings that come with pregnancy and breastfeeding. It's easier to wean (for them) and then they can start 'fresh'.

While hormones are definitely different while nursing, the fact that I've been nursing for almost 2 years brings down my hormones to almost my pre-pregnancy status. The meds I will be taking are hormones and for an almost two year old nursling, the transfer through breastmilk is negligible. Of course doctors don't want to take chances, so they'd much rather me wean.

So, why don't I just wean then???

Because we're not ready to, so we're not going to. There will only be one time in life that Jonah and I will have this nursing relationship and we're not ready to give that up yet for anything.

So, I will wait and see what the clinic has to say on whether or not they will proceed with me as a patient. For the sake of my convenience and sanity, I hope not to have to start all over at some clinic, but you know what, I will.

So bring it on bitches!!!

If all goes well though, I start my meds in about 5 weeks!

An email I sent to the nurse.

You can take the girl out of Microsoft but you can't take the Microsoft out of the girl....


To: Katie the Nurse
From: Me
Subject : Correction of a typo on the FET schedule

Hi Katie,

I wanted to let you (and the clinic) know of a pretty humorous typo on the FET schedule you sent me. I would suggest you have this updated! :-)

The typo:

On Day E8 -Endometrium Check - the instructions inform the patient to "begin Estrace 2 mg PER VAGINA".

*laughs* While I get a kick out of this, I'd hate for those double-vagina ladies to get an extra dose of estrogen.


Thanks,
(my name)

Tentative Schedule!

Well, ladies and gentleman - our tentative schedule has arrived! I can definitely say getting this makes it all 'more real' and I was a bit surprised with how overwhelmed I felt by the whole thing.

I think my biggest fear is how I will react on all of these hormones and how that reaction will affect my family. I know the hormones the first time around literally made me bat-shit crazy. I cried almost every day, had crazy side effects like eye twitching, hot flashes, dizziness and more. The difference now is I'm responsible for our son, and most of this I will need to just 'suck up' to be functional for him. I can do this though. I have the support of my husband, friends and family and I need to just take it a day at a time. Each day that passes will feel like an accomplishment, I know it.

I chatted with the IVF coordinator yesterday at length about all of the upcoming appointments I need to get out of the way before August. She said when my period starts, I need to call the clinic and schedule the SHG. (CD 5-12). At that time I will also schedule the trial transfer (I need to make sure I've ovulated by then - I will be buying a 100 or so of the LH OPK strips online, along with HCG strips again!)

She said approximately six weeks prior to transfer, I'm to call Reprotech (where our little totsicle is living) and have them ship him/her over to the clinic. The nurse will order my meds and have those shipped to the house. We'll need to retake the needle injection class again.(although I feel fairly confident except for the IM injections but Mark will do those!)

All in all the coordinator was a lovely woman to talk to, excited for us and the upcoming transfer and had a real "I'm gonna take care of you" feel to her which if anyone knows me, customer service is definitely important.

Lastly, the amount of medications made me squirm. I'll list them all below. The only one that makes my skin crawl is the antibiotics, for many reasons, so I may forgo those. I've been reading up on why IVFers are prescribed these, and I feel at a low risk for uterine infection. I'll ask the doctor about it - perhaps they can prescribe me some Yeastie Meds and then I'll take them. Still, the amount of meds is a bit consuming:

• Birth Control Pills (for 20 effen days, wtf!)
• Lupron injections
• Vivelle Transdermal Dot
• Estrace
• Doxycycline
• Medrol
• Progesterone in Oil
• Tranxene
• Prometrium

I'll include a picture of the schedule below. This is only tentative because the whole thing depends on when I get my period in the August/September/October time frame. It could be as early as late August and as late as early October! This at least walks me (and you!) through the process of what we will be: